iGroan: The Definition of Modern Annoyance

def:
1 : to utter a deep moan indicitave of pain, grief, or annoyance in relation to an iPhone
2 : to make a harsh sound while waiting (in vain) for the 3G network to register

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I thought I had dodged the bullet on many of the 3G connectivity issues that have plagued the release of the second generation iPhone. But then I went to Tahoe a couple weeks ago, and my signal dropped out completely. Given the terrain and my exceedingly low expectations of AT&T's service, I wasn't particularly surprised to be without mobile service for the weekend. But I did expect it to come back eventually.

I like to think that my 3G signal is still roaming the valley somewhere around Highway 50 East, trying to find it's way back to me. But recently, I've been forced to admit the truth:

The iPhone is a big, fat piece of crap.

There, I said it. Yes, I used to defend the technology from skeptical friends and snarky colleagues when they reported on one article or another listing all the flaws. No more. Sure, I used to sell the sex appeal of a hot techno-gadget to prospective buyers who were justifiably concerned about entering a two year contract with AT&T. But that was back when the phone actually worked. And apparently, I'm not the only one who has recently reached a boiling point. A new wave of lawsuits has emerged within the last two weeks accusing the company of false advertising and misleading claims about the phone's ability to, say, make phone calls.

It's easy to be mad at AT&T because, frankly, the company has been a PR disaster for the last twenty years. But it's hard to feel anything but betrayed by Apple's nonchalance about its defective hardware, not to mention somewhat wounded by its legal defense that no reasonable person would believe its iPhone 3G ads.

So I'm left with no choice. After making numerous calls (on a land line) to AT&T tech support, manually rebooting all network settings, and replacing the SIM card, I have no alternative but to march down to the Apple store, walk right up to that so-called "Genius Bar," and demand that they give me the shiny, new replacement phone they've promised me so that I can be blissfully ignorant all over again.

And when I have that gorgeous new phone in my hands, there's only one question about what to do with the old one.