A King of Infinite Space

I just got one of those text messages that you save forever--or, at least, for the life of your existing cellphone. The problem is that this particular phone happens to be an iPhone, which means that I automatically save all of my messages, regardless of how trivial or profound they may be.

This got me thinking that, perhaps, unlimited storage is not always a good thing. After all, there used to be a time when my SMS mailbox would fill up and the decision was thrust upon me whether a particular message was worthy of salvation. A select few would progress through multiple mailbox cleanings, but it required the most genuinely sincere expression from a friend or loved one to make it for the long haul.

And now I have one that fits the bill, but it is part of a never ending chain of messages including such deep thoughts as "Don't forget street cleaning," "Come over when u can," "Getting hungry?'"and my personal favorite, "K."

The same holds true for sent messages as well. Back when I had my $30 Samsung clamshell, I chose my words carefully. No predictive text. No QWERTY keyboard layout. Just the impassioned punching of 444 (space) 555 666 888 33 (space) 999 666 88 (exclamation point). These days, I'm nearly as wordy on my phone as I am in this blog. Punctuation is a must. I even capitalize proper nouns. And forget about abbreviations (excepting "WTF" and "OMG," which I've been known to use in ordinary conversation).

Eventually, we will all become kings of infinite space, though I suspect I won't be the only one who remembers back fondly to the time when we were bounded in our nutshells and our inboxes were nice and tidy.

DWT

Welcome to the 21st century. From the makers of Driving Under the Influence (DUI) and Driving While Intoxicated (DWI), we proudly present: Driving While Texting (DWT).

The Washington Post reports that Virginia's General Assembly "is considering a pair of bills that would ban texting while driving a car, bicycle, motorcycle, moped or even an electric wheelchair."

If this sounds absurd, consider the fact that six states have already considered anti-texting laws in 2007, with New Jersey, Washington and the city of Phoenix passing resolutions outlawing the practice.

I'm no fan of texting drivers, but this trend in lawmaking sounds more like a post-modern fad than an actual public service. After all, have you seen some of the things people do while driving? Just because it's technically not illegal to eat with chopsticks while operating your vehicle at 70MPH, that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

So remember, if you're walking down the sidewalk and see someone in an electric wheelchair trying to multitask with their cellphone, don't be afraid to make a citizen's arrest. Together, we can keep the streets safe from efficiency.

Mass-Slighting

Now I know this is a bit off-topic, but only slightly. I'm here to complain about mass-text-messaging. During the holidays, these mass-texts are especially prevalent: "Merry Christmas!" from someone you don't speak with all that often, or even from someone you speak to rather often. It's vague enough to make me wonder, is it a mass-text? I feel torn: do I text back in thanks, or do I feel slighted for the impersonality of a mass-message?

My Cromagnum cell phone allows me to send to multiple recipients, but not to mass-text. When I send a text to, say, two of my friends, I write, "Do you guys wanna go to the Elbo Room for reggae tonight?" I make it explicit that I've sent it to both of them ("you guys"). However I know other people have the mass-text capability. I propose that it's good etiquette to indicate when you're mass-texting through such contextual cues.

In the email context, you can tell when something has been sent to "undisclosed recipients." Is my phone too ancient? Do other phones manifest a mass-text? If other phones make mass-texting obvious, I wouldn't feel like someone was trying to pull one over on me.